The Why Of It All?
Good Question. Why am I so obsessed with sex? I mean, as a single person, I went for a very long time without having sex. I got on this idea that I ought to make sure the next time I had sex it was with someone who I was going to have a relationship with or at least someone who cared about me more deeply than the guy who just wanted a buddy with benefits. It was a low sex time of my life - self imposed after some stupid mistakes. I went about a year without sex and I was ok. I didn't even masturbate all that much.
But, when my husband began pursuing me it was a tremendous rush. I pushed him away for a long time and really did try to discourage him... most of the time. But sometimes I'd give in and play the flirtation game. But no sex. I was terrified of the idea of a relationship after having my heart broken three times already. But that guy was persistent and eventually he wore me down. I'm sure part of the excitement for him was the chase. He also wasn't having any sex at the time (that I'm aware of) so when we finally did hook up we were both pretty desperate. It explains the pelvic tractor beam we had going for the first six months.
Does having sex make me feel better about myself? You bet. Does it make me feel desireable? NO DOUBT. What is more validating than someone wanting you? I know that some of my reasons are completely self indulgent. I want to feel wanted. I love feeling loved. (Do I sound like a Cheap Trick song? That's because I AM) Who doesn't? Sex with the one you loves makes you feel all those feelings you crave... okay, substitute I for you, but I don't think I'm alone in this feeling. It's an ego boost, it's powerful, it's magical. I want to feel like that and I want the one who helps create those feelings to be the guy I love and I want to make him feel that way, too.
So, why do I want to have sex so much? Because I love the way it makes me feels and I'm not just talking Orgasm City here. Is it selfish? To a point.
Is my husband still attracted to me? I don't know. I never will know because even if he isn't, which is possible - I'm no supermodel, he would NEVER tell me that. NEVER in a million years. But, the thing I do know about my husband is that while he enjoys ogling the occasional supermodel, the women that turn him on are your everyday, every size, shape, color girl/woman next door. It's weird, but it's my man and I'm grateful that he has such eclectic tastes in women because the one thing I don't really worry about is whether he thinks I look ugly. haha I've seen him get turned on by pictures of women that I thought were pretty ugly, so I think I'm okay there. Speaking of getting turned on by pictures... well, that's a story for another day. I think I've hit my daily typing alottment.
I do want to comment, though, that I am astounded by how quickly I have found a circle of interested parties through this blog. While I sympathize deeply with all of my kindred spirits, it really is a good feeling that I'm not alone in my questions and my pain. Some of the comments are tough and I have to think about them for a while before responding, but no one has been mean or judgmental... mostly brutally honest and I value that. Thank you.
But, when my husband began pursuing me it was a tremendous rush. I pushed him away for a long time and really did try to discourage him... most of the time. But sometimes I'd give in and play the flirtation game. But no sex. I was terrified of the idea of a relationship after having my heart broken three times already. But that guy was persistent and eventually he wore me down. I'm sure part of the excitement for him was the chase. He also wasn't having any sex at the time (that I'm aware of) so when we finally did hook up we were both pretty desperate. It explains the pelvic tractor beam we had going for the first six months.
Does having sex make me feel better about myself? You bet. Does it make me feel desireable? NO DOUBT. What is more validating than someone wanting you? I know that some of my reasons are completely self indulgent. I want to feel wanted. I love feeling loved. (Do I sound like a Cheap Trick song? That's because I AM) Who doesn't? Sex with the one you loves makes you feel all those feelings you crave... okay, substitute I for you, but I don't think I'm alone in this feeling. It's an ego boost, it's powerful, it's magical. I want to feel like that and I want the one who helps create those feelings to be the guy I love and I want to make him feel that way, too.
So, why do I want to have sex so much? Because I love the way it makes me feels and I'm not just talking Orgasm City here. Is it selfish? To a point.
Is my husband still attracted to me? I don't know. I never will know because even if he isn't, which is possible - I'm no supermodel, he would NEVER tell me that. NEVER in a million years. But, the thing I do know about my husband is that while he enjoys ogling the occasional supermodel, the women that turn him on are your everyday, every size, shape, color girl/woman next door. It's weird, but it's my man and I'm grateful that he has such eclectic tastes in women because the one thing I don't really worry about is whether he thinks I look ugly. haha I've seen him get turned on by pictures of women that I thought were pretty ugly, so I think I'm okay there. Speaking of getting turned on by pictures... well, that's a story for another day. I think I've hit my daily typing alottment.
I do want to comment, though, that I am astounded by how quickly I have found a circle of interested parties through this blog. While I sympathize deeply with all of my kindred spirits, it really is a good feeling that I'm not alone in my questions and my pain. Some of the comments are tough and I have to think about them for a while before responding, but no one has been mean or judgmental... mostly brutally honest and I value that. Thank you.
posted by Married Girl at 11:02 AM
5 Comments:
I really did have to laugh out loud when I read the part about the Cheap Trick song... I've used that exact same line in my blog!! I know exactly what you're talking about. The feeling of being desired, of being wanted... it's incredible!! I think sometimes though I get so caught up in wanting to be wanted that I stop wanting to WANT... and then Hubs is in the same boat I am. That's when we get stuck without sex for 10+ days at a time.
Just wanted to say how much I've enjoyed your posts, I have felt the exact same way many-a time! : )
You speak the truth about the great feelings one gets out of sex. I feel the same way about my little circle of new blog buddies. I like to browse around but I make it a point to check up on your blow as well as a few others everyday. A lot of people's blogs are a little boring but yours is obviously very interesting since it is primarily about...shit, its all about sex.
I meant to write blog, not blow
How do you guys do with everyday stuff like paying bills and buying furniture, or deciding mundane things like what's for dinner? Do you two work stuff out productively or does your husband have problems with these things too. You seem like a great problem solver. Do you have trouble getting hubs to decide on the everyday mundane details of marriage too? Just curious.
Gosh. I just found your blog, partly by accident, and it's like reading my own thoughts on someone else's blog.
I totally understand what you're going through. I am in the midst of separating from my wife for the same reason. She and I have been together for 11 years, and I simply can't live like that anymore. Now I have a great girlfriend who sees things more like I do. It's too bad that we had to split up, but there was no hope, and I wasn't willing to sacrifice anymore. Very sad.
Anyway, I have started reading from the beginning, and I have a bunch to go to catch up with your current status. I hope that as I read, I will learn that things have gotten better. i'll let you know when I've caught up to the present.
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