The Thing Is...
It isn't just about sex. I'm starting to think it's the whole men vs. women thing. What I mean by that is that we think different. I guess that isn't fair. I read the blogs by men who feel that their women don't get them, but in my experience it's the opposite.
My husband is one of the kindest people I know. He does not have a mean bone in his body. I realized this Thursday after having a dream about my EX husband. After the dream, it occurred to me that when it comes to disagreements, etc, my husband never "goes in for the kill". Meaning, he doesn't have the whole hateful comeback ability. I do. Is it innate or learned? I don't know, but it's there. If I'm pised and we're having an arguement, I have the nasty comeback meant to hurt, but my husband has NEVER reciprocated. This has made me think.
However, at the same time, he doesn't "get me". Tonight is an example. Every year we get a turkey from his job at Christmas. Last year, I ended up tossing it so I was determined to make it this year. This is the weekend. BUT, of course, as usual, our plans for the weekend changed and I decided to go ahead and make it tonight, beginning this afternoon. Which means I have to stay up late. Normally, we are 9:30ers when it comes to hitting the sack. So, I explain that I am going to have to stay up until about 11 to get this darn turkey done.
Does he say, "No prob, I'll stay up with you"? No, of course not. After, I've got his clothes clean, and I'm cooking his turkey (okay, our turkey), he goes to bed and I have to stay up all alone to finish the frigging turkey. See, my issue here is that this is something I'm doing for both of us and in part because he was a little irritated last year when I tossed the turkey, yet he can't find it in him to stay up with me while we wait for the cooking ot be done. We're talking 11pm... yeah, a whole hour and a half, two hours, max. It's the principle. After I'm irritated, he stays up a little later, but at that point, it's too late. He's staying up for the wrong reason and besides, 10:15 and he's done with his "duty" and goes to bed anyway. I'm just irritated and bummed. He loves me, but he doesn't have any qualms with blowing me off as long as it makes him happy. And, why did our plans change? Oh, that would be because of the weather not cooperating so we're going jet skiing tomorrw... oh wait, let me rephrase. He's going jet skiing tomorrow and I'm going to watch him jet ski, because it will be about 60 degrees and I have no desire to jump in freezing water in cold weather and go 60 miles per hour.
So which of us is the bitch? Maybe it's me. I don't know. I know I'm feeling bummed though and man, I wish I still smoked because I have been thinking about smoking a cigarette for the last 4 hours. And, I quit 3 years ago.
Of course it could all be PMS, right? ALthough, mine seems to be POST MS, not PRE MS... I'm going to work on an attitude adjustment as I watch When Harry Met Sally and look for soemthing to eat for dinner. Good night.
My husband is one of the kindest people I know. He does not have a mean bone in his body. I realized this Thursday after having a dream about my EX husband. After the dream, it occurred to me that when it comes to disagreements, etc, my husband never "goes in for the kill". Meaning, he doesn't have the whole hateful comeback ability. I do. Is it innate or learned? I don't know, but it's there. If I'm pised and we're having an arguement, I have the nasty comeback meant to hurt, but my husband has NEVER reciprocated. This has made me think.
However, at the same time, he doesn't "get me". Tonight is an example. Every year we get a turkey from his job at Christmas. Last year, I ended up tossing it so I was determined to make it this year. This is the weekend. BUT, of course, as usual, our plans for the weekend changed and I decided to go ahead and make it tonight, beginning this afternoon. Which means I have to stay up late. Normally, we are 9:30ers when it comes to hitting the sack. So, I explain that I am going to have to stay up until about 11 to get this darn turkey done.
Does he say, "No prob, I'll stay up with you"? No, of course not. After, I've got his clothes clean, and I'm cooking his turkey (okay, our turkey), he goes to bed and I have to stay up all alone to finish the frigging turkey. See, my issue here is that this is something I'm doing for both of us and in part because he was a little irritated last year when I tossed the turkey, yet he can't find it in him to stay up with me while we wait for the cooking ot be done. We're talking 11pm... yeah, a whole hour and a half, two hours, max. It's the principle. After I'm irritated, he stays up a little later, but at that point, it's too late. He's staying up for the wrong reason and besides, 10:15 and he's done with his "duty" and goes to bed anyway. I'm just irritated and bummed. He loves me, but he doesn't have any qualms with blowing me off as long as it makes him happy. And, why did our plans change? Oh, that would be because of the weather not cooperating so we're going jet skiing tomorrw... oh wait, let me rephrase. He's going jet skiing tomorrow and I'm going to watch him jet ski, because it will be about 60 degrees and I have no desire to jump in freezing water in cold weather and go 60 miles per hour.
So which of us is the bitch? Maybe it's me. I don't know. I know I'm feeling bummed though and man, I wish I still smoked because I have been thinking about smoking a cigarette for the last 4 hours. And, I quit 3 years ago.
Of course it could all be PMS, right? ALthough, mine seems to be POST MS, not PRE MS... I'm going to work on an attitude adjustment as I watch When Harry Met Sally and look for soemthing to eat for dinner. Good night.
posted by Married Girl at 10:22 PM
9 Comments:
Housewyfe said it best as did your post... Jm avoids all confrontation, never has a negative or lashing mean word. Sometimes THAT alone drives me crazy because I am SO much like you... When I get upset, pissed and have gone beyond the call of duty I want to use hurtful words. I think it's because we DO want the interaction, to deal with it and be upfront and forward, trying to be brave about how we feel and when you don't get that reciprocated, it makes it seem as tho' the other is unfeeling and uncaring. That the issue is less important. I try not to blow my top as much as I use to with JM but there have been those times I just wanted to smack the real right into him!
I think it's a man/woman thing as well. My husband is the same way. I want to argue, I want to get it out, I want to get over it. He just stands there, arms crossed, nodding his head or shrugging his shoulders. SAY SOMETHING FOR CHRISSAKES. It drives me batty. Passive-aggressive is right... he's passive and I'm aggressive! : )
After you've heard what you want to hear from women, let me tell you the truth. Blame it on PMS if you'd like, but the truth is that its your fault. Why are you offering to make a damn turkey and then expect him to stay up? You are the wife, not him. You are responsible for the cooking, unless you guys have an agreement. What fault does he have? He didn't ask you to do a damn thing did he?
I can understand where Omar is coming from, but I disagree. Right or wrong, I'd feel the same way as Married Girl. Before my husband went back to school, cooking was a shared responsibility. Cooking, cleaning, and laundry were all spilt evenly because we have no yard to take care of. If it was HIS turkey and he was mad at me the year before for wasting it, then I'd be pissed too if he just went to bed and left me up to make it. And I could probably get over it if he volunteered to do something thoughtful for me somehow over the next couple of days, but men just don't think that way. Or so it has been in my experience, I can't speak for everyone, obviously.
Taja, exactly the whole point. Omar obviously didn't read the whole post... instead picking out the parts that fit for him.
My husband was ticked that I didn't make the turkey last year, so I planned it and told him in advance that I would do it this weekend. When we had a long weekend with plans allowing for a free day to do this. (We are usually really busy on the weekends and rarely home!) It's not like you can just throw it back into the freezer because he changed our plans! But, I'm sure Omar wouldn't know that.
In the grand scheme of things, it isn't a big deal, but for me it was just that it would have been perfectly fine for him to stay up with me and extra couple of hours. He had just mentioned earlier that on weekends we can stay up later when he was making a point about another issue.
*SIGH*
It all worked out anyway... i was just drunk and venting. PS don't make a turkey when you're drunk, you might cook it ummm... upside down.
But did it taste ok?? : ) That's why I don't make turkeys! Well, I might make a breast every now and then, but that's it! Too much time, too much effort. Blah!
neither of you is the bitch - like everyone in a relationship, you're living out the battle of the sexes in microcosm...
Of course if you've read his blog you'll know that Omar just can't help himself. I digress - but I'll be almost equally blunt.
Many things should be done as a couple. Other things should be done by just one of you. If someone offers to make the other a special dinner, the maker should expect to do 100% of the work, including prep and cleanup without expecting help from the other. It should be an act of love.
I don't see this turkey cooking as that sort of special treat for him though. You should have discussed it beforehand and if he wanted it cooked then he should have helped out till the cleanup was done.
On to the Jetskiing. If it was planned and you wimped out don't worry, he'll have fun but you will definitely bring the fun level down by making like it's all about him doing what he wants to do. If you don't like jetskiing you shouldn't even go. If you like it rent a wetsuit and suck it up. Otherwise you shall be the embodiment of the term "wet blanket".
Sorry to be harsh, but that's how I see it.
Jay
Oh yeah- Turkeys
Upside down doesn't make it as pretty but the breast usually comes out moister and tastier.
Jay
Post a Comment
<< Home