I know, but...
the thing is that even though I know I shouldn't even worry about it, it absolutely bugs the hell out of me that I think that my husband is "faking" orgasms. We had sex Tuesday night and I pretty much feel it was to make me happy which is good and all, but it was the usual where he gets me off with his hand and then moves in so that we have actual intercourse for him to get off.
But, I knew immediately that he was probably NOT going to have an orgasm because he just moves a certain way to get off... I know this. HELLO... we've been having sex along time now. Then when he had his orgasm, I TRULY felt it was all an act and I said, "I don't think you're done yet!" He said, "why would you think that? Of course I am". But, of course there was no tell-tale cum inside me either.
THe frustrating thing for me is WHY????? Why fake it in the first place? If he isn't into it and he's only getting me off with his hand ANYWAY, why not do me and then kiss me and say he just isn't in the mood but wanted to make me happy. THAT wouldn't bother me. What bothers me is that he is LYING to me because I KNOW he's faking it!!!!!!!!!!!! Gr. This is upsetting to me. Can anyone explain to me WHY he is doing this??? Besides him? If I bring up sex he always gets defensive and everything has been so peaceful lately I don't want to spoil it. What should I do?
But, I knew immediately that he was probably NOT going to have an orgasm because he just moves a certain way to get off... I know this. HELLO... we've been having sex along time now. Then when he had his orgasm, I TRULY felt it was all an act and I said, "I don't think you're done yet!" He said, "why would you think that? Of course I am". But, of course there was no tell-tale cum inside me either.
THe frustrating thing for me is WHY????? Why fake it in the first place? If he isn't into it and he's only getting me off with his hand ANYWAY, why not do me and then kiss me and say he just isn't in the mood but wanted to make me happy. THAT wouldn't bother me. What bothers me is that he is LYING to me because I KNOW he's faking it!!!!!!!!!!!! Gr. This is upsetting to me. Can anyone explain to me WHY he is doing this??? Besides him? If I bring up sex he always gets defensive and everything has been so peaceful lately I don't want to spoil it. What should I do?
posted by Married Girl at 8:45 PM
9 Comments:
Would you rather have someone who has orgasms and then says the hell with you? I say take what you have and run with it. Maybe try a sex therapist.
I am totally hipocritical about this. I have faked (and still do occassionally) but if I think Hubs has faked, it totally pisses me off. I guess it's because I know that he gets off 99% of the time, and I can tell if he doesn't. There have been a handful of times when we were either having sex or I was giving him oral when he just point blank told me "it's not going to happen", which is cool. I mean, we'd both prefer he get off, but we can deal. But just a couple of weeks ago, I thought he faked. I even called him on it, and he said "of course I finished." Well, I know how messy it is when we finish, and I was by all accounts NOT messy. So I dunno. I don't have much room to talk, but it still pisses me off.
Have you ever seen anything more pointless than this comment?? LOL!!!
My lover does that from time-to-time.
Two reasons come to mind.
1) he's older and his pride gets involved.
2) he's afraid I'll think I don't turn him on.
Maybe????
I agree with the Queen, there is some issues he needs to clear up. I would see a therapist. Has he ever had a sex drive
demonqueen has it exactly.
Most of the things that cause those problems are mental.
It used to happen to me frequently a few years back when I was constantly in new relationships.
I was slightly uncomfortable (not relaxed), thinking way too much, stressed out about certain things in my life and knew from experience that women will think they're not attractive if you can't get off.
Chances are, this really does have nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.
If he's got heavy stuff going on with work or another part of his life, that can affect him in bed.
If you decide to confront him on it, don't pressure him. The best thing you can do is support him and make him feel comfortable and safe in your relationship.
If he knows that you're happy, it'll take a lot of weight off his shoulders.
Therapist?! That was my advice. Also, I agree with cardman. I usually aim to please since I could bust a nut anytime.
I can't say my wife does the fake orgasm thing, but I do know that she often does things just to make me feel good without actually enjoying it herself. Obviously, sometimes that can be a good thing, but when it happens almost all the time it starts to be a turn-off because you know she's not very interested. You want your partner to lust after you and to not be able to stay away from you. But you know that's not the case, and it hurts.
I've had times when I was having trouble reaching that point of spurting joy. Either I was tired, drunk, condom-confounded, too hot, didn't feel completely into it, or it seemed my wife was getting bored. I haven't faked an orgasm. But I have really, really worked hard to get to the point of no return and it was a very minor orgasm. Then it was obvious that another, bigger one wasn't going to emerge so I called it good. I wouldn't call that faking but it might be what you experienced. Or he might have just been faking. The male ego has trouble saying to his partner that it isn't going to happen.
I would have nailed ya ;0-)
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